When It Rains It Pours
by QueenKingrid
Summary: Chuck and Blair have just gotten married at the age of 25. They have the perfect life until something goes horribly wrong with Chuck's health.
1. Chapter 1

**Chuck is suffering from a case of Leukemia. He is 24 and Blair just turned 25. They had been happily starting a new marriage when Chuck starts to get sick. There will be flashbacks to different scenes in time in no particular order. The story will mostly revolve around the Chair relationship and the ways in which the newlywed couple deal with the disease and the nightmare their lives have become. **

**Also, I have never had Leukemia and I don't know anyone who has had it so some of the details may not be 100 percent realistic. I have however done lots of research and read loads of material on the subject and I will try my best to make this as real as possible! I have had information about the subject given to me from someone who has lived through having Leukemia and will be using that information as well to make the symptoms and situations more real. But, overall, my intention is never to offend anyone who has had to suffer from this terrible illness. I hope that everyone takes this story for what it is; entertainment. **

**I own nothing!**

Chuck had been locked away in the dark, shadowed room for almost three days now. And, in those three days Blair had been checking on him ever hour. Every time Blair would go in to check on him she would find him curled in a fetal position curled up in the very middle of his huge, plush bed.

He always seemed so tired these days and he was constantly sleeping. It was something that she still hadn't gotten use to. Because, the Chuck that she knew was always so vibrant and always so full of life. But that was gone now and her once vibrant, fun, and beautiful husband had been replaced by a shell, a very fragile shell that Blair felt compelled to protect. Now every time she saw him, she would find her heart beating just a little bit harder. She would feel the tears coming to her eyes. And it never failed, It happened every time.

Chuck was so different from the Chuck that Blair had always known. He was now crazy thin, and pale, his hair was thinner and, he was always cold and trembling. He was also quiet now and he was seemingly always deep in his own thoughts, thoughts that he never vocalized. It was like he wasn't even living anymore for some days he would just lay in bed unmoving and seemingly unaware of the world around him.

Sometimes he would seem to be barely breathing and Blair would find herself leaning over him just to make sure his breaths were still coming in and out of his body. He wouldn't even notice her there even though she was so close to him. And, she would look at his sleeping face and the feelings of utter helplessness would take over her. It seemed that there was nothing that she could do to help him.

Earlier that day, Blair had found herself standing outside of what had become his bedroom door, wrenching her hands. At this point she had already wasted most of her day checking on him, and trying to bring him some form of comfort that never seemed to come.

She'd come into his room and found him lying on the floor. He'd tried to get up by himself and to go to the restroom she assumed but he hadn't made it, the nausea most likely taking over.

Her voice caught in her throat as she kneeled down and ran a comforting hand down his spine. It caused him to shiver

"Chuck," she had whispered softly, she had wanted to get his attention for he had not seemed to notice her presence, "Chuck?" she had tried again when she received no response

"I can't…" he had said, He breathed a tense restrained breath as he tried to keep his hurting and physically ill body as still as humanly possible.

Blair found her perfectly arched eyebrows wrinkle in concern and her eyes began to water as her lip trembled at the raspy, quiet, and tearful sound of her lover's voice.

"What?" Blair asked softly she once again ran her hand softly down his back and his body stiffened. He was shaking as he tried to control the pain that her touch had caused. And Blair voice hitched as she noticed the tears forcing themselves from his eyes

"I can't deal with you right now… okay?" He asked panting, almost pleading for her to just leave him alone in his own misery and pain. His voice was hoarse as his words came out as it had been ripped from his throat.

Blair slowly lifted her hand to gently rub his back once again and he lifted his body as far away from her as his strength would allow "Chuck?" she responded she didn't know what to do and he was pushing her away again.

"Don't," Chuck had spit out between breathes. "Please…Please just don't touch me." He exhaled sharply and moved as far away from his wife as quickly as he could. Blair was about to move closer when she heard him began to retch. His body jerked slightly as he gagged and released a small amount of yellow bile onto the carpeted floor. "Oh… God" he exhaled as Blair leaned over him and attempted to help him up.

He jerked away from her slowly and closed his eyes "Please" he breathed again. He was fully crying now." It hurts, everything hurts" He whispered. Then he curled in on himself in the fetal position and rocked his body back and forth crying.

Blair had pulled herself up off the floor. She stood and watched him for a moment unsure of what to do next. As much as she wanted to help him, she couldn't. Her hands itched to caress him and provide comfort but that wasn't what he needed. She wasn't what he needed. She felt rejected as she bit her nails in an attempt to ease the pressure. She turned her body away from the grotesque scene and walked towards the door as quietly as she could; all the while fighting back the tears that were threatening to once again overflow from her eyes. She reached the threshold of the door and looked back at her husband once more before bolting as fast as fast as she could. All she could think was that she needed an escape as she made her way quickly down the hallway and away from her husband. She was crying so hard that she hadn't seen Serena until she had walked into her so hard, bumping up against her, almost knocking her down.

Serena had grabbed a hold of Blair and gently pulled her towards the living room before sitting her down on the sofa." It's Chuck" Blair panted as the tears steadily poured from her eyes.

"Mr. Bass needs assistance" Serena yelled out loudly to the in house nursing staff that had been waiting on call. Serena watched nervously as the nursing staff ran to assistant the master of the house

Serena then placed her hand on her friends shaking shoulder and pulled her in for a hug.

"It's going to be okay" she promised her broken friend as Blair cried on her shoulder. She was shaking her head in the negative and trembling she was crying so hard.

"He's dying S" Blair said softly "He's going to die, and leave me here all alone" She sniffled and pulled her body back away from her friend.

"You should have seen him Serena. He was suffering so much, and I couldn't help him… I couldn't help him" she whispered softly as the tears spilled from her eyes once more. She just wanted her husband back!

_**Please tell me what you think I am going through my chapters to try and make small changes and correct errors. So, please review! Thanks!**_


	2. Chapter 2

**O yea, I own nothing and this is a future Au story!**

Still life goes on  
if you just keep holding on  
So many things to survive  
once you realize  
there's no such place as paradise  
At least in my eyes

Mista-Blackberry Molasses

Chapter 2

_Lily, Serena, Erick and Nate were all gathered at the airport. Today Chuck and Blair were coming home from their month long honeymoon and they all wanted to be the first ones to greet the newlyweds. _

_Serena sighed "I can't believe the plan is over an hour late" she murmured before standing suddenly from her chair. The crowd remained unresponsive. "Blair must be going crazy." She added before frowning when no one in the group responded to her. _

_Erick smirked at her and turned his attention to his mother. "I can't wait till they get back. I kind of miss hanging out with Chuck. I've been totally bored all month" he said quickly._

_Serena exhaled dramatically before sitting herself down huffily in the nearest chair. "This is taking forever" she added as she leaned her body onto Nate. "I think I am going to fall asleep" _

_Nate laughed and smoothed her hair back from her face. "Patience is a virtue" Nate said softly which promoted a frown to appear upon his girlfriends face._

_Serena had just began to contemplate getting up and going to find another snack when the happy couple bustled off the plane and into the airport foyer. They were both smiling but holding hands._

"_Blair" Serena called happily. She quickly ran to greet her friend. She pulled Blair away from Chuck and captured her in a big hug. Blair smiled as she pulled her body away from her friend. _

"_Serena," she said softly smiling "This is really weird, I didn't know we'd be having a surprise party at the airport." Serena smirked and pulled her arm around Blair's shoulder guiding her towards the luggage and away from the crowd. She wanted some alone time with her best friend_

_Nate shook his head and smiled at Chuck before reaching out his hand to shack his best friends, when Chuck responded by offering Nate his hand, Nate pulled him into a quick hug. "Wow man, how has married life has been treating you?" he asked softly causing Chuck to chuckle. "Well, you know sex before marriage is great but sex after marriage is even better"_

_Lily stood behind Nate and grimaced slightly at his response be. After all, it wasn't the worst thing she'd heard Chuck say and it could have been so much worse. Lily shook her head a bit at his antics then she smiled brightly then pulled Chuck into a hug. "Charles I missed you". She added softly before taking a step back and taking in his appearance. He seemed smaller._

"_Have you been eating?" she asked then taking a closer look she paused, her eyes squinting "You've lost weight?" she added, suddenly then regretted her words when her adopted son looked at her slightly annoyed._

_Chuck frowned slightly before looking down at himself quickly. The he looked back up at her before bursting out into laughter _

" _Come on Lily, the fake over baring mothering is a tad bit much, I haven't been gone that long" he added smiling and Lily hunched her shoulder before looking over to her other son " I tried" she told Erick laughing before they all walked quickly towards the luggage area to meet Blair and Serena_

_Blair breathed a sigh of relief as they entered their penthouse, well, Chuck's penthouse but they are starting renovations soon and she would be making the penthouse her own soon._

_Chuck entered soon after Blair and quickly shut the door. He dropped the bags down at Blair's feet and then he grabbed her hand before pulling her closer. "Honey, we're home" he whispered into her ear softly. He then pulled her towards the sofa as he ran soft kisses gently down her neck. _

_Blair smiled. She turned quickly and pushed Chuck back, down onto the sofa. He hit the sofa hard and bounced a little. She smirked as the wind seemed to momentarily be knocked out of him. Then she quickly pushed him back into a laying position before laying down spreading her petite body on top of him._

"_Owe", he responded "I think you hurt my back" he added laughing softly. Blair bounced on top of him then roughly pressed her lips to his. "Shut up and kiss me you Mother Chucker" she responded softly and Chuck obliged by doing exactly what she asked._

_Chuck awoke with a dull aching in his bones. He rubbed it for a while and nothing seemed to make it go away. He groaned and laid his head back against the sofa pillow. He exhaled quickly for a few minutes, then he gently removed himself from the sofa careful not to wake his sleeping wife and he made his way to the restroom._

_He closed the door as soft as he could and locked it before leaning over the sink. He felt a shortness of breath and he stifled a moan before he leaned his back on the closed door and slid down the door to the floor._

"_What the fuck is wrong with you?" He asked himself harshly as he tried to gather his bearings. The pain wasn't that bad but he just had a feeling, a scary feeling that something was wrong. He felt ill and tired._

_He wrapped his arms around his legs and concentrated on calming himself for a few minutes, then he quickly forced his body from the floor and he leaned against the sink once more. He turned on the faucet and threw some warm water on his face. Then he looked back at the mirror and that's when he noticed it. _

_There was a large dark purple bruise running down the side of his back. "Oh My God" he whispered. Then he felt his breaths coming quickly as he closely inspected the bruise by looking down at it as good as he could. "Where the hell did this come from?" he asked himself. Then he quickly opened the bathroom door and ran to his closet._

_He pulled the first shirt he could find over his head then he made his way to the bed in his and Blair's bedroom. He pulled back the covers and crawled in and within minutes he was sleep._

_Hours later Blair found him in the bedroom curled up sleeping. She glanced over at the clock and noticed the time it was almost four in the afternoon. Blair frowned and ran her hand over his hair. And he leaned into the touch. (Whereas Blair was known to sleep in late sometimes Chuck had never done that before) Chuck never slept that late he had always been an early riser. Blair shook her head and tried to make the worry for her love go away._

_Chuck had been acting strange lately; it started a couple weeks ago. He had started complaining about achy bones and sleeping all the time. He was barley eating and he was getting thinner every day. He was skinner then she was now. Blair had asked him about it, and then she'd requested that he see a physician and he'd turned the idea down instantly. Ever since then he'd been trying to hide whatever was going on with him from her._

_She'd hear him in the shower and find the door close when she'd try to enter. A couple of days ago she'd woke in the middle of the night and found him hiding in an extra room in their suit with a heating pad on his legs and he tried to cover it with a pillow when he'd noticed her watching him._

_She wouldn't say that he looked sick but he just looked different because Chuck had never been this thin. Now he was sleeping in the middle of the day and Blair was trying to make the nervous tension in her heart go away. She lifted the covers that had been thrown off of him back onto him. Then she slid into the covers and laid her head on his chest._

_She listened to his heart beat and prayed that he was okay._

"You should have seen her mom", "she was hysterical and I couldn't get in touch with Eleanor she's still in Paris and you weren't answering your phone and I didn't know what to do…. Chuck is getting worse" she added after a beat. (The doctors had started him on chemotherapy and instead of getting better he was getting thinner and paler. It seemed as if he was now sick all the time.)

"The doctors had to give him pain medication so that he could rest and he's been sleeping for days". Serena leaned over and placed her head in her hands "I don't understand why this is happening". She gasped tears filling her eyes "They were so happy. They deserved to be happy. And I don't want to lose my brother, and I don't want Blair to lose her husband. I don't think she'd make it"

Lily seated herself close to her daughter and wrapped her arms around her. She didn't know what other type of comfort to give. She didn't want to lose her son either.

Hours later Blair made her way back into the bedroom to check on her husband. He had been placed back in his bad. He was sleeping peacefully. She sighed as she seated her body on the end of the bed.

She watched him sleep and wished that she was once again lying in his arms. She couldn't believe the last time that she'd lain next to him in the bed.

She closed her eyes and breathed and once again her eyes were pooling with tears but she was refusing to let them fall.

She leaned over and kissed him gently on the forehead he was so out of it that he didn't even move an inch.

Then she pulled her trusty cell phone out of her pocket and started dialing numbers. She needed to find a new doctor a better doctor than the one she had. As a matter of fact she was firing the current on call doctor as soon as she could find a better one.

After all what good was it to have billions of dollars when her husband was dying and all her money wasn't stopping that.

**Please read and review! Update coming soon.**


	3. Chapter 3

Things have gotten closer to the sun  
and I've done things in small doses  
so don't think that I'm pushing you away  
When you're the one that I've kept closest

The XX-Crystalised

Chapter 3

_Blair frowned as Chuck grabbed his jacket and quickly exited the doctor's office. "I'm sorry doctor" she apologized quickly before grabbing her things and running quickly after him. _

"_Chuck, Chuck, Wait!" she pleaded and his quick steps halted abruptly. He exhaled stridently then he turned his body slowly to face his wife he eyes looking over her head._

"_You can't deal with this like you deal with all of your other problems Chuck" Blair said sympathetically. Her voice was soft and patronizing almost as if she was talking to an uncomprehending child. She was now standing directly in front of him._

_Chuck groaned in aggravation and rolled his eyes" What the hell are you talking about?" he asked sharply. His eyes suddenly connected with hers and his voice rose a bit in some sort of frenzy as he tried his best to control his anger. Blair found herself taken aback as she had never heard that type of panic in his voice before._

"_You can't run from this" Blair added. She reached her hand up to brush it gently against his cheek, but he stepped back and away from her as quickly as he could. Then he grabbed her arm and held it lightly at the wrist._

"_Don't do that" he requested." Don't treat me like I am a little child that can't handle things" He let her arm go and it slowly rested again at her side." You know me better then that" he added. He was furious._

"_I just want you to take care of yourself, and I don't want you running away from your problems again"_

"_I am not running away Blair" he affirmed "I am going back to work"_

"_Well you can't just go back to work" Blair argued softly. "This is serious. This is not a game. You have to Cancer and we need to be researching treatment options and…"_

_Chuck's face raged with anger and he interrupted her before she could finish her statement "I know it's not a game" he said quickly "I heard exactly what the man said but I can't just drop everything for this. I am in the middle of a huge deal and I have work coming out of my ass and I…" _

_He felt his breath becoming short. He could feel panic seeping into his veins and he didn't want her to see him like that._

_He paused and turned away from her as he tried to regain his composure. "Charles" Blair said softly. She was trying to rein in the argument between them. She had just taken a moment to look around and she was reminded that she was in the middle of a crowded hospital and people were staring._

_She walked around to once again face her husband and she grabbed his stiff hand and pulled him to the side out of public view. Then she reached up and pulled him into a tight hug. Chuck breathed in her scent, and closed his eyes as he took deep calming breaths._

"_Please don't call me Charles" he said softly "You only call me that when you're upset or scared and I don't want you to be concerned" He leaned his head down and rested it on her shoulder. "I am going to handle this okay" he affirmed._

_And even then Blair knew that this was way over his head. He was acting like his diagnoses was a business deal to be handled and he was going to try and bear the burden alone. But she could feel him calming down a bit so she nodded her head and went along._

_If he wanted to be in denial she would let him for a couple of days but in the mean time she had work to do. She had to find him the best physicians and she had to research his treatment option for she was determined not to lose her husband._

Lily sat on the sofa watching Blair as she paced back and forth. She'd been on the phone with several different doctors from all over the world for hours.

She'd just gotten two of the best world renowned doctors to agree to fly in from Europe. Now she was left to deal with how to tell Charles that she had fired his doctor that he'd hired and hired two new ones.

"Blair sweetie come sit down" Lily requested softly. She patted the sofa next to her and moved over to make space for the anxious young lady.

When Blair was seated beside her Lily raised her hand and wrapped it around Blair's shoulder pulling her in close for a hug. "Do you really think that now is the time to change Physicians especially when Charles worked so hard to find one that he trusted?"

Blair frowned and moved further away from Lily "Well, Charles is not in a position to make logical decisions about what he needs right now because Charles is barley even conscious." She responded her voice every bit sarcastic.

Lily sighed softly and ran a hand through her thick light hair. "Blair Charles is going to be very upset with you when he finds out what you've done. You can't just take away his independence. That was the only thing he could control and now you've taken that away" she said softly she was trying to get Blair to reevaluate her decision before Charles woke up and it WWIII erupted.

Blair stood from the sofa and walked towards the window. She narrowed her eyes as she looked at into the vast abyss of white snow. She stood there for almost fifteen minutes before speaking again.

"Charles is my husband and it is my job to protect and take care of him so that's what I am doing" she said her voice a whisper. But the feelings behind the words were so rich and deep that Lily found herself flinching slightly at the heat of them.

Lily watched as Blair turned suddenly from the window instantly snapping out of whatever place she had just been.

"I am going to go check on Charles" she stated softly as she suddenly exited the room.


	4. Chapter 4

It's unfortunate that when we feel a storm  
we can roll ourselves over when we're uncomfortable

Massive Attack - Paradise Circus

Chapter 4

_Blair looked at her husband and bit her lip nervously. He was angry and pacing obviously very upset. Today the blast about his condition had come out in the newspaper and everyone was looking at him differently._

_Apparently when he'd gone into the office that morning the employees had stopped working and had resorted to staring at him wherever he had gone. It had gotten so bad that Chuck had stormed out of the offices in a flurry only to be swarmed by heaps of paparazzi. _

_People on the streets were walking up to him taking pictures or just staring. An old lady had come up to him and hugged him abruptly before whispering sorry and walking away with tears and Chuck wasn't taking the news well._

_Blair sat on the sofa and watched her husband as he yelled into the phone, pacing and venting at whoever it was on the line. He looked pale and worried. He was shaking he was so mad and Blair didn't know what she could do to help ease the tension._

_Suddenly he threw his cell phone on the table and made his way towards the bedroom door. And Blair flinched when she heard the door slam as hard as possible._

_She gave him a few minutes then cautiously made her way towards the bedroom. She paused momentarily shocked by what she saw. _

_Chuck was nestled behind the door, sitting with his arms wrapped around his legs shaking because he was trying so hard to hold in the tears._

_He looked scared and sick. For the first time since he'd been diagnosed a few days ago Blair had noticed just how sick he really looked. He was almost childlike in his expression and when he'd realized that Blair had entered the room, he placed his head down on his legs and tried to hide his face._

_Blair kneeled next to him and ran her hands gently down his back. He exhaled sharply as his tears began to seep from his eyes then leaned into her touch in search of comfort._

"_It's going to be okay Chuck", Blair promised. "Soon the appeal of the story will die down and the people of New York will move on to the next big thing "She continued_

_He nodded and sniffled before leaning in to kiss her lips softly. "Okay" he said and they had sat on the floor for almost an hour before Blair stood up and reached for his hand._

_He gave her his hand and let her pull him up into a standing position. Then he let her pull him to the bed._

_Two weeks later Blair and Chuck found themselves seated in the hospital room talking to the fifth doctor that week about his options. _

_Blair had prepared a list of questions and she had basically done everything in her power to ensure that her husband would be receiving the best of care._

_She'd spent days doing research, making list and collecting names of doctors and even with that Chuck still had only three options ; Radiation, Chemotherapy, or a Bone Marrow Transplant which was the last ditch effort._

_They had been talking to the doctor for over an hour now and Chuck had yet to utter a word. He had been sitting back staring out of a window letting Blair take the lead, and do all the work. (A job which she was more than happy to carry out)._

_But his unresponsiveness was weird and it was a cause of alarm for both the doctor and his wife._

_The doctor looked down at Chuck's chart then looked back up at his patient. "Mr. Bass, I am not saying that that you won't survive this, with your medical history and age you have a statistical high probability of beating this. But, it won't be easy and you will be up for a fight and I need to know that you are willing to fight." The doctor stated_

"_Of course he's up for a fight" Blair concluded "There is no alternative he knows he has to beat this" Blair continued._

_Then Blair leaned over and grabbed her husband's hand. "We are willing to do whatever you want us to do. Anything as long as he gets better" she all but pleaded._

Blair cautiously made her way into his bedroom. She was instantly startled by the fact that Chuck was actually awake flipping through the channels on the television.

He looked up in her direction when the door opened and pursed his lips before placing the remote down on the bed. Blair smiled brightly and quickly walked over to his bed. She sat herself on the edge of the bed and then leaned in to peck him softly on the lips.

"Hey baby" he murmured softly. He smiled and leaned closer to her laying his head on her lap.

Blair was so happy this was the most lucid she'd seen him in days. After the melt down when she'd found him on the floor trembling in pain she'd feared that she'd never be able to be close to him again without causing him pain.

Blair raised her hand to run it through his dark hair then paused putting it back down. Chuck closed his eyes briefly then turned his attention from the television to face Blair. "It passed, I am sorry about the other day" he whispered "I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings or anything it was just…."

Blair nodded quickly and ran her fingers through his hair. "I love you" she said softly and he closed his eyes once more and exhaled slowly. When he opened his eyes again they were dark and worried but he sat up in the bed and faced her looking her directly in the eyes.

"I love you too" he responded "more than I've ever loved anything in my life and I want you to remember that no matter what" he added shaking his head slightly.

He stared at her for a beat and then he lowered his body back down in the bed and he pulled the heavy blanket up over his form.

He laid his head in her lap once again and this time he fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Let him know that you know best  
Cause after all you do know best  
Try to slip past his defense  
Without granting innocence  
Lay down a list of what is wrong  
The things you've told him all along  
And pray to God he hears you

The Fray- How To Save A Life

_Chapter 5_

_They had been on their honey moon for only 3 days when it happened. He had been fine and then one night Blair had woken up to find him shivering in the bed. And he was sweaty all over and when she touched him he was so warm and his skin was so pasty that Blair was dazed and taken aback for a moment._

_It scared her, for she had never seen him sick before. And, they had just gotten married and as his wife she supposed she should take care of him and she had no clue about what to do, or where to start. But she supposed she had to do something because sitting there and watching him fry was so not an option that she would even consider. She had to forcefully shake herself from her stupor before she was able to move into action._

_She pressed her hand to his forehead and frowned at the heat radiating from him. His breaths were shallow and he looked really sick. Blair tried several times to wake him but her attempts had not worked and Blair had been left with no option but to call the ambulance and pray for the best._

_She stood almost memorized as the paramedics had taken her unconscious husband off into the night. She had watched for several minutes before her mind rebooted and she finally decided to call the limo and his adoptive mother._

_Blair could feel her hands shaking as she slowly made her way down the hall to the room the nurse had told her he was in. When she made it to his door she was relieved to find that he was awake and highly upset. She felt a smile come to her face. Her eyes watered in relief. It felt so good to his irate voice making demands and reminding her that he was Chuck Bass. She smirked a little as she listened to him argue and demine the hospital staff._

_He had been confused upon waking up in the hospital and he was demanding answers and wanting to be released which the hospital was denying until they could get his fever down some more._

"_Mr. Bass, you need to calm down" the nurse was pleading and Chuck went off on a rant that would have made the biggest biker dude cringe. His rant stopped immediately when Blair opened the door and entered. She felt him relax as soon as he saw her and she made her way over to him and hugged as tight as she could._

"_You scared me" she whispered "Don't you ever do that to me again" she added forcefully._

_The doctors had suggested that it had been a bug and that he would most likely be okay if he'd gotten rest and liquids._

_A week later, Blair had come back to their suit from a spur of the moment shopping trip to find the apartment dark and quiet. _

_When she cautiously entered their bedroom, she had found him sprawled out on the bed, one leg up and the other sprawled across the end. He was fully dressed and his hand was over his eyes as if he was blocking the light and he winced when the door opened._

_Blair was thoroughly confused. "I thought you were supposed to be working for a bit. If you're sick again we could have a doctor come over?" she stated softly and Chuck had frowned at her and rolled his eyes seemingly disgusted or maybe he was just aggravated._

_He ran his hands over his face tiredly and stood slowly from the bed. He stumbled a bit as he slowly made his way towards her direction. He quickly passed her up without sparing her a backwards glance before heading to the restroom. He slammed the door and Blair winced when she heard him start to regurgitate behind the closed doors._

_She stood outside the door nervously ringing her hands for almost an hour before the door opened again and Chuck came out. He looked wore then he did before he had entered and Blair made to check his forehead again to see if the fever from the "bug" had come back when he slowly slapped her hand away._

"_I don't need you to take care of me Blair. I am fine" he declared as walked back to the bed. Again he placed his hand over his eyes and he breathed a sigh of relief when his head finally hit the pillow._

_Blair made her way over to the bed and sat down beside him. "Chuck, I know you don't like to ask for help but I know that you know you can. You can ask me anything" she whispered._

_Chuck smirked then turned his body away from her so that he was now facing the wall and his back was to her. "Would you do me a favor and please leave" he asked her._

_Blair was silent for a few moments as she fully processed his request, then she quickly stood from the bed and headed_ for the door_. "Sure, whatever you want" she said_

"What do you mean you fired my doctor?" Chuck asked seething. He made to sit up in the bed but Blair pushed him back down. "Don't sit up, you need rest" she stated.

Chuck's breathing was staring to speed and he felt his heart starting to race. He closed his eyes and took calming breaths in an attempt to slow it down.

"I shouldn't have told you. Now you're getting all worked up" Blair said then she turned her back to face the door.

"Yea, you're right you should have just kept treating me like a four year old by keeping me in the dark. So now I am on need to know bases. Blair?" he asked. "What in the hell were you thinking?" he seethed, his voice raising. He was upset he almost sounded like himself before he'd gotten sick.

Blair turned to face him. She could feel her anger rising. She threw her hands in the air in frustration. "I was thinking. My fucking husband is sprawled on the floor in so much pain that a touch makes him cringe in tears?" she screamed "I was thinking what type of quack doctor can't help you" she stated. Her face was red and she paused and took calming breaths.

Chuck was silent as he looked past her to the door "I don't need you to take it upon yourself to make decisions for me. And, I defiantly don't need you to undoing things that I've done. If I had wanted a new doctor, I would have found a new doctor because I am not incompetent and I can do things for myself" he said. Then he turned to face her and his eyes were cold.

"I know that you are trying to help, but you're not helping. You are smothering me and I can't breathe" he said.

Blair ran a shaky hand through her hair and faced down her husband. "I am sorry" she said as she quickly made her way from his room slamming the door behind her.

A few minutes later his door opened and Lily entered and seated herself down on his bed.


	6. Chapter 6

Got a secret  
can you keep it?  
Swear this one you'll save  
Better lock it, in your pocket  
Taking this one to the grave  
If I show you then I know you  
Won't tell what I said  
Cause two can keep a secret  
If one of them is dead…

Secret- The Pierces

Chapter 6

"_Mrs. Bass!", "What are you doing here? Mr. Bass is in a meeting"_

_Blair frowned and rolled her eyes. She smiled sweetly at Chuck's old secretary and pursed her lips. "I need to see my husband" she announced and moved to walk into the office"_

"_I'm afraid I can't let you go in there. Strict orders from Mr. Bass" the lady said. He voice was soft her tone pitting. She was looking at Blair as if she felt sorry for her and that only infuriated her even more. She didn't need this old lady pitting her and looking at her with those sad brown eyes she was 'Blair Waldorf'._

"_Excuse me" Blair stated her tone biting as she walked around the secretary and into Chuck's office. She opened the door quickly and paused at what she saw. He was sleeping on the office sofa curled into an almost ball in a fetal position. He was so unaware, sleeping deeply and totally out of it that he didn't even move when the door burst open and she entered the room . And Blair was taken aback for a minute._

_All the things she wanted to say, all the curses she wanted to lunge at him had suddenly escaped her mind and all she could feel was sadness and worry. He looked ill as if he was suffering from a bad case of the flu. She guessed that was to be expected after all, he had just had his first dose of chemotherapy that he hadn't bothered to tell her about._

_Blair walked deeper into the room and paused to watch him sleep. She felt the secretary walk up behind her and she flinched slightly when the lady touché her shoulder in an attempt to comfort._

"_He didn't want you to see him sick so, he didn't tell you and he came here" she said softly Blair nodded and shook her head. "Sounds like him" she said quietly. Her lip trembled and she could feel her eyes swelling with tears._

"_Was he really sick?" she asked the older lady. She had wanted to be there for him but lately he had been making that effort impossible. He'd been pushing her away every chance he got and avoiding her whenever he could._

_The secretary paused and shook her head no. "He was fine when he first came in then he had a bit of nausea. That passed and then he fell asleep and he's been sleeping ever since". The lady explained and Blair closed her eyes in an attempt to control her emotions that at the moment were a tad bit overwhelming._

"_Can we be alone?" Blair asked softly as she took in her now sleeping vulnerable husband. The secretary closed the door and left just as quickly as she'd entered the door clicking softly as she closed it behind her._

_Blair seated herself beside Chuck on his huge office sofa and watched him closely as he slept. She had thought that the Chemo would have made him look sicker. But he looked the same as he'd been looking for months._

_He looked sick but not as bad as she would have assumed. Blair ran a hand through his hair and he was in such a deep sleep that he didn't even notice. She sighed softly and shook her head. When would he learn that he needed to lean on her and that she would always be there to help him?_

_She pulled off her jacket and slipped off her heels, and then she lay down beside him and curled into him. She laid her head on his chest. She needed to hear his heart beat just to make sure that he was still with her. It calmed her_

_She was only there for an hour before he was jumping from the sofa headed to the office restroom to be sick. She creased her eyebrows in worry then got up from the sofa and made her way to the restroom to comfort him as best she could._

_He had been in such a hurry to make it to the restroom that he hadn't even noticed her. And, he didn't notice her until he'd flushed the toilet for the third time._

_He exhaled sharply and slid down to the floor, totally out of breath and exhausted. "Blair" he whispered shocked by her presence" What are you doing here?" he asked. He was attempting to stand quickly so that he could make his way back to his main office._

"_I was looking for you; I called your cell and your office. When you didn't answer, I called your step- mother and she said that you had started treatment today. I was shocked." She said sharply "You kept an important fact like that a secret! You didn't even tell me". She paused and took in his disgruntled appearance._

"_How could you Chuck?" She asked her voice whinny. "I thought we were in this together" she stated and he shook his head and laughed a bitter laugh._

"_No Blair." He stated "I'm in this, I stuck in this cage and you are on the outside, I don't want you in any closer than that" he said then he stumbled back to the sofa and sat down._

"_Why did Lily tell you, I asked her not to?" He asked after a beat muffled. He guessed he couldn't trust his step mother either._

"_She was worried about you. She hadn't heard from you. Plus, considering the fact that I'm your 'wife' she most likely figured I should know regardless of what you said" Blair said calmly. She sat beside him and just stared at him. He squirmed slightly under her famous withering glare._

"_Don't look at me like that" He said "I'm sorry, I didn't want you to see me sick" he muttered. He leaned down and placed his head in his hands._

"_I know" Blair said softly, _

GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG

"What?" Chuck asked quickly. Lily was looking at him liked he'd grown two heads or something. Her stare was harsher than Blair's.

"I'm just worried about you" she said softly and Chuck leaned deeper into his pillows.

"Well don't be. That's the last thing I need another woman worrying about me" he said, his voice rough.

"She cares Chuck. She loves you" Lily responded and Chuck rolled his eyes.

"She just likes being in charge, this is actually great for her cause now she can control everything about me" he said and his voice was seething.

"Lily shook her head and looked away from him towards the door. She wanted to give him more time to calm down before she went in for the kill.

A couple of minutes later she turned her gaze back to him, then she leaned closer to him. "Charles I want you to listen to me and listen well." She began. "Cause, I am only going to say this once. That girl loves you and everything she does is for you. Now, you may not believe it but you are so lucky to have her" she said her voice calm.

"And, you need her, weather you want to admit it or not you do." She said softly.

" It's not easy, I could only imagine but you, keep building these walls to thrust her away and she needs you. She's going through this too." Lily said softly. She rubbed his shoulder then stood from the bed.

"I'll let you rest" she said then exited the room leaving him to think about what she'd just said


	7. Chapter 7

Don't let your love be colder than death  
don't let no teardrops fall from your eye

The Virgins - Love Is Colder Than Death

Chapter 7

_Blair laid besides Chuck in the silence. She turned and tossed in the bed several times before turning to face him. He was reading a book or pretending to be reading a book and had seemed to not even notice her struggle to get comfortable. _

_She had been watching him for a few minutes and she had noticed that he was purposely avoiding her gaze. Keeping his eyes focused on her book and not sparing a glance in her direction._

_He was playing hard to get and being extremely quiet but Blair knew how to remedy that. All she had to do was what she always did to ease his tension and get him talking._

_Blair moved closer to him and leaned on top of him kissing him deeply. She quickly pushed him back on the bed and started pulling down his pajama bottoms feeling for his member. He struggled to quickly free his body from her grasp by moving back in the bed as quickly as he could. _

"_Wait" he whispered as he pulled back from her even more and moved away slightly off of the bed so that he was now practically balancing himself on the very edge._

"_Why?" she asked her voice sounded worried and she placed her hand on his forehead feeling for a fever. "You're sweating" she whispered and he groaned and moved farther away_

"_Is it because you're sick?" she said softly and he groaned and sat up straight in the bed_

"_I'm not sick; I just don't feel like to fucking you tonight! I'm tired, I've been working all day doesn't make me sick" he said his tone harsh. He was a bit aggravated because it seemed that lately all Blair did was inquire about whether or not he was sick. His illness was a subject that he hated talking about but it seemed that she was always so intent on discussing it. _

_He frowned when she quickly got up from the bed and fled the room. "Great" he muttered now she was pissed at him for not wanting to open up. He sighed frustrated and swung at the wall before deciding to head to her moments later. He found her sitting on the sofa crying and he slowly licked his lips before moving closer._

"_I'm sorry" he said calmly. He had tried his hardest to stay strong and not go to her but he had found that he couldn't. He hated it was she was mad at him._

"_Are you sick?" she questioned once again and he shook his head in the negative. "No, I'm not sick" he repeated before moving to sit down next to her._

_She looked up at him with tear stung cheeks and watery eyes "Would you tell me if you were?" she asked. She wanted to make sure that Chuck would tell her when it got really bad. She feared that he would hold that type of information to himself and that she would be left clueless and unprepared._

_He paused and seconds passed before he leaned in closer to her "Yeah" he whispered a lie._

"_I would" he added a last ditch effort to reassure her. She moved to lay her head on his shoulder "Okay" she whispered as a feeling of relief moved into her voice. And, they had laid there silently holding each other until they both had fallen asleep._

_A few hours later she woke in the night to find her bed empty and cold. He was nowhere in sight. She closed her eyes and then opened them quickly in an attempt to adjust them to the darkness that she surrounded her and that's when she noticed the door to the restroom was cracked open, and the light was sipping in lines across the floor. _

_She lifted herself from the bed and walked towards the restroom. She opened the door slowly and she had expected to see him there but the room was empty. There was wet towel on the sink counter and pill bottles were spread around and opened._

_Blair sighed after seeing the names on the bottles. They were his nausea medication. He had been sick in the night and he hadn't woken her._

_She shook her head quickly and walked out down the stairs towards the living room. And, that's where she spotted him sitting in the darkness leaning on the at the apartment bar, seemingly deep in thought._

_He was slowly swirling his brown liquor around in his glass and he hand was now bruised and purple slightly swollen from when he'd punched the wall in his frustration. He had attempted to wrap it abet with a towel but Blair could tell from the way he was using and holding his hand that he was also in pain._

_He looked worried and that was the one thing she remembered, how worried and scared he looked. She slid onto the bar stool beside him and leaned into him. He startled only then noticing her presence._

_He turned his head to looked at her and sighed in resignation of course she would wake up was the thought that crossed his mind and almost left his lips before he stopped it right on his tongue._

"_What are you doing up?" he asked his wife softly and she slowly grabbed the class (careful not to touch his bruised hand) and sat it on the bar counter._

"_The more appropriate question might be, what are you doing up?" she asked and he didn't respond instead he turned his attention back to his drink._

"_Are you feeling okay?" she asked him and he nodded his head in the negative for the first time answering the question honestly._

"_I feel like shit" he said and Blair could see his lips quiver a bit and his eyes were glassy. "Is that what you want to hear?" he asked his voice restrained and angry._

_Blair was silent and he took that as his queue. He stood quickly from the bar stool and headed back towards the stairs._

"_Where are you going Chuck" she asked slightly annoyed when he kept walking not even stopping as he answered her question._

"_To bed. Blair… Is that okay with you?" he asked and she nodded and turned her head back to the drink that he'd been nursing. She grabbed the glass and lifted it to her lips and downed it as fast as she could._

_She couldn't believe that this is what had become of her life._

GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG

Lily found Blair pacing the dining room in an almost frenzy. She was upset and she was trying her best to calm down.

"Lily I know, just say it, you told me so" Blair said without even turning around to face her.

"I wasn't going to say that. I just wanted to make sure you were okay" Lily said

Blair smirked at that and turned to face Chuck's adoptive mother abruptly. "I'm great, excellent in fact I mean I am not the ass who's dying" she said her voice filled with false happiness her face holding a smile.

Lily shook her head "Blair" she said and Blair sighed and quickly sat down in a chair, running her hands through her long curly dark hair.

"I am sorry. I shouldn't have called him that" Blair said "It's just that he makes me so mad sometimes I want to strangle him"

Lily smiled and rolled her eyes "That's not new." She said and she seated herself beside the girl.

"He's not angry at you, not really. I think he's angrier at the situation that you had to be the one to take charge and make decisions when he is so use to being the one who does that" Lily explained

"Charles will calm down" she promised as she stood from her chair "and you need to calm down too"

Blair nodded and looked back towards the stairs that led to her husband's room.

"I going to head out for a few hours Lily "Blair said. She took a calming breath and then she too stood from her chair.

Lily frowned and nodded as she watched the younger women grab her bag and exit the house.


	8. Chapter 8

Who's to know my world  
Who's to share my worry  
Mountains rise and fall all the time  
And it doesn't mean a damn thing to God  
So make believe in miracles instead  
Make Believe-The Burned

Chapter 8

_Blair and Chuck steeped out of the apartment. They had decided that today they would head out, do a little shopping, try to live a regular life while Chuck was feeling better._

_As soon as the exited the penthouse the bright flashing lights accosted them. Blair frowned angrily and placed her hand on his shoulder. He didn't even seem to notice as the paparazzi swarmed them._

_Chuck (who had been walking slightly ahead of Blair), froze for a moment as questions from screaming reporters were being thrust at him._

_He sighed loudly ran his hand through his hair and then he turned quickly and leaned into to Blair. He was starting to feel really weak suddenly and the reports were making his dull headache worse._

"_Mr. Bass, how are you holding up?" One reporter asked_

"_Mr. Bass you look good, considering!" Another yelled through the crowd and then all of the voices started meshing together and Chuck could feel himself becoming overwhelmed._

_His breathing was becoming labored and he could feel panic taking over. "Why" he whispered softly to himself. He moved to step around Blair and head back into their home. He refused to have to deal with this today. He licked his lips and moved his hand in front of his eyes to hide his face._

_And then suddenly their hired security was there, pushing back the photographers and leading the couple to their Limo. "This is crazy" Blair seethed "We can't even leave the house" she stated as she stepped into the Limo. Chuck was silent as he looked out the window and the Limo took off bridging its way through the crowd of spectators._

_Blair pulled out her phone and started dialing "I want something done. I don't want them there when we get back" she all but screamed into the phone before angrily pressing the end button._

_She turned to face her husband and that when she had noticed that he looked withdrawn. She slid across the leather seats to move closer to him. "Are you okay baby?" she asked her voice laced with concern._

_Chuck never took his eyes off the window as he nodded his head. Blair leaned into him and kissed his neck and she snuggled closer in an attempt to comfort him as the car rode through the city._

"_Don't worry, they won't be there when we get back" she said. And still she got no verbal response._

GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG,GG

Blair had spent hours shopping. Buying things always made her feel better although, this time she had to admit that the feeling wasn't as pleasing as it normally would have been.

She had spent the entire time worrying about Chuck. She'd called the house several times to check on him and she had only been gone for a few hours.

When she arrived back home, the first thing she did was head to his bedroom to check on him. She always felt guilty when she left.

Sometimes she would wonder if that would be the last time she would ever see him before she'd exit the door, and the though alone would propel her back into the house and she would find herself just sprawled out on the sofa at the foot of his bed watching him sleep.

That's where she was now, laying on the sofa watching him sleep and she could feel the tears build in her eyes as she took in the sight of him seemingly working o hard to take a breath. She held back a muffled cry and held her hand over her mouth as to not wake him.

She broke down sometimes but she never did it in his presence she felt that the last thing he would need would be to feel that he had to support her.

So she often left her tears for a time when she was alone in their old room in the middle of the night or early morning and the loneliness was too much to bear.

It was funny how she could feel so alone these days, (even when he was sitting right there beside her). She would just find herself feeling as if there was no one in the world who could understand what she was going through.

Those times were the worst. Yea, those were the worst because she had a dreadful fear that that feeling would be never ending if he actually left this world, leaving her in this dreadful state all alone. That she couldn't bear.

She leaned closer onto the bed and stared into his face. And, the anger that she felt earlier in the night was now totally gone. She just wanted to be close to him.

She looked up momentarily startled when Lily peeked into the room. She sat up and ran a hand through her hair. "How is he doing?" Lily asked her voice a whisper.

Blair smiled and turned her full attention back to her husband. "He's holding up" she responded her eyes never leaving him.

"He has a chemotherapy treatment scheduled for tomorrow" she said then she turned her eyes to Lily

Lily blinked her eyes and she remained silent she knew that.

"I will be so glad when this is over" Blair said "The treatments make him really sick I hate them" she told his adoptive mother

"I just want him to be better" Blair said as she moved to hold his hand. It felt warm and that was a reassuringly good sign. It made her smile if only for a second.

"He will be" Lily said and Blair marveled at her ability to sound so sure especially when she (his wife) wasn't sure about anything anymore.

Blair nodded once again fighting the tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes.

"He better be" she said "I don't know what I'd…" she paused and her gaze held onto Lily's and those sad brown eyes of hers were almost enough to make Lily lose her forced composure.

"Get some sleep" Lily whispered. "You have a long day tomorrow" Lily responded and she closed the door leaving the sad couple together.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Was my love not strong enough to  
bring you back from the dead  
if I could eat your cancer I would but I can't  
you're not doing this alone

Biko/ Bloc Party

Blair forced herself to open her eyes when the alarm sounded. Chuck had an appointment today and she needed to start getting everything together so that they could get there and out as soon as possible.

These days the chemo appointments were the only times that Chuck left the apartment. Blair hated the thought of him going into that hospital. She had offered to have his Chemotherapy sessions scheduled at the penthouse but, to her dismay, he had flat out refused that notion.

He had outright told them that was not what he wanted. After all, he had reminded her, his appointments were his only chance to leave the penthouse, get some air. He assured her that he did not care if they would be in some filthy hospital because these days it was his only escape.

Hours later Blair found herself seated across the room from him in that hospital (for what, to Blair, felt like the thousandth time).

She tried to distract her mind from what Chuck was about to go through. The sessions almost always made him feel ill and it was always so hard for her to watch.

Blair couldn't help but stare at him. He was seated in the hospital chair as still as possible and his eyes were closed.

She sighed as she forced her eyes away from him and focused them instead on the door.

"Do you want to know what I was just thinking about?" Chuck asked softly, causing Blair to jump. She hadn't been expecting that. He never really talked before he got his Chemo.

Blair turned her gaze to face him and she watched his eyes flutter open. "What were you thinking?" she asked. Her voice was a whisper. She never spoke louder than a whisper when they were here.

He smiled at her and his eyes blinked closed once more before opening again and refocusing on her. "I was just thinking about the first time I saw you." He said a smile littering his lips.

"You were so beautiful!" he added eliciting a smile from her.

"We were 5 years old and you hated me then" she said laughing softly.

He shook his head in the negative and smiled at her. "No I didn't" he said "I actually thought that you were the prettiest thing I had ever seen" he responded. "But, like you said I was 5 years old."

Blair giggled and stood up from her seat, walking closer to him. "You told all the boys that I had cooties" she whispered in his ear and his eyes closed again.

"I didn't want anyone else to talk to you" he said. Blair sat beside him and he laid his head on her shoulder

"So you were scheming even then?" she asked.

He nodded and swallowed and it was so slow that it looked almost painful. "Always" he responded.

"I'm sorry" he added "for freaking out and getting angry. I know that you were only trying to help me" he said softly and Blair nodded. She forgave him. Of course she did. She always forgives him.

"I want you to know, that no matter what happens I have and will always love you" he stated and Blair stood quickly from her chair.

"Why are you telling me this?" She asked "I hope you're not giving up" she stated and he remained silent.

"Chuck?" she asked and her breaths were starting to get faster. She could feel her panic seeping in even though he was still sitting there, so calm and so cold.

"I need you and if you give up, I will never forgive you" she said, her voice hysterical. She waited for a response from him, but he was just sitting there still as stone, like he'd already resigned himself to go.

Blair took in his appearance once again. She reached her hand out to grab her things, intent on making an angry exit, when he grabbed her arm and held it firmly.

"I never said I was giving up" he whispered. His eyes shone with tears and Blair reached up to rub them away with the pads of her thumbs.

She let out a loud sigh of relief and exhaled sharply before leaning into him and burying her head in his chest.

She was stunned when a moment later she heard his voice again. "The woods are lovely, dark, and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep."

"Robert Frost" she stated, looking up at him and right into his eyes. They stayed like that (stuck in that quiet moment of somewhat understanding) for what seemed like forever.

Then, suddenly they heard a quick knock on the door and it opened a moment later. And just like that their quiet moment was gone.

"We're ready for you Mr. Bass" the nurse said quickly and her face was all smiles. Blair moved back and made room for the technicians and the other staff members who were now entering the room to start Chuck on his treatment for today.

It's an all day event; Chemo. It starts early in the morning and it's not over until later in the afternoon. Blair sat still for almost the entire ordeal without saying a word. She watched as the poison disguised as medication entered her husband system .She watched as his mood changed and he became quieter and less talkative. The longer she watched him, the sicker he looked.

It was killing her to see him go through this. "You look scared. I told you that you didn't have to come" he said moments later.

And Blair shook herself out of her trance. "What are you talking about? You know I wouldn't want to be anywhere else" she stated a small sad smile was covering her face

But, she wasn't fooling Chuck. He could tell that she was uncomfortable. Her mouth was saying she was okay and she had that stupid smile plastered across her face but her eyes were telling a different story. She was scared shitless and worried beyond belief.

"Then you better stop frowning" he said a soft, tired smirk escaping his lips "because soon that frown line will be etched there, right in the middle of your forehead, forever"

Blair gasped, insulted. "I am not frowning! And even if I was, I don't have frown lines so that wouldn't be a problem." She said.

"Whatever," he paused and exhaled sharply "whatever you say" he said, and then he looked away from her. He was now staring outside the window.

"Chuck, are you okay?" she asked concerned. She hadn't missed the pause.

He forced his eyes back to her face. "I'm great, never been better." He lied. Then, as soon as the words came out of his mouth he felt the nausea become more intense. The nausea elicited an involuntary groan and he quickly leaned over and placed his body in a position that was closest to the emesis basin that had been placed near where he was, to be used when the sickness overcame him.

Blair caught his movement and worry etched over her face; she twisted fingers on her clothes and leaned in closer to him "Chuck are you okay" she asked again softly. He was exhaling sharply trying his best to maintain control. "No…" he said after a beat. " I think I am going to be sick" he whispered before completely losing it an emptying his stomach.

Blair bit the inside of her cheek until she could taste the coppery tang of blood. "I am going to find the doctor." She said quickly she needed to find some assistance for him, but more than that she needed an escape, seeing him ill was killing her.

She stood from her seat, intent on getting him help as quickly as possible, when he stopped her.

"I am fine" he said and his voice sounded hoarse "Don't leave" he pleaded and she nodded and sat back down in her seat. "Okay, I won't" she promised

**The lines at the beginning come from the song Biko by Bloc Party and the lines that Chuck says to Blair come from the Robert Frost poem "Stopping By the Woods on a Snowy Evening" **

**I want to say thank you to BookCaseGirl who did an awesome job beta reading this for me. I appreciate the help! So Thank You so much! All mistakes are mine!**

**Please leave reviews!**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Could it be the world's gone colder?  
Baby, I'm a losing soul  
The more I try it just gets harder  
And my pain is getting old  
Somebody said that nothing lasts forever  
Just the storm so I've been told  
But it seems that when it rains it pours

(Hope, the Rain Don't Last)

Blair watched her husband as he gathered his bearings and mentally prepared himself to leave the hospital. He was inhaling and exhaling slowly, most likely attempting to push away the nausea that always accompanied his treatments. He looked tired, even more tired than he had earlier, and that was saying a lot because he'd looked completely worn out earlier (in his wife's opinion). His skin had taken on an even grayer tone and he was holding his jaw clinched tightly (a sign that he had begun to feel like crap and was about to puke). Of course he'd never admit that. He was too proud to.

Blair felt her lips begin to tremble when he turned to face her with that goofy looking grin on his face. She was always taken aback whenever he would smile at her like that, like nothing was wrong.

Chuck had this thing about trying to hide how bad he felt until the very last minute when he no longer could and by that time, he would be in so much agony that he'd often be delirious, and completely out of it . He would lose all control of what he was giving away (only then did the signs become so overtly obvious).

As he slowly stood from his seated position, Blair found her feet quickly moving across the room, closer to him. She quickly helped him into the dark, cotton jacket that he'd slowly been maneuvering over his thin frame.

Then, she placed her hand on his lower back in an attempt to guide him out of the room and into the hallway. But, as soon as her hand touched him, his brown, fuzzy eyes connected with hers and there was so much pleading in them that Blair found herself shocked and she gasped when he flinched away from her touch. She often forgot that her touch could sometimes bring him pain because the idea of her touch harming him was still so foreign to her. Blair's hand fell to her side suddenly feeling so cold, and so empty without the warmth of his skin under it. She quickly rubbed her small, lonely hands together in an attempt to replicate the warmth of him.

"I'm sorry, I know you've got it, you don't need my help" she replied her tone soft and teasing as she raised both of her hands in the air in mock surrender. Moments later she lowered them and raised one to her mouth as she started to nibble on her fingernails. He didn't respond. He was once again implementing his silent tactic to get his message across.

"Is that everything?" she asked her husband quickly as she moved around the large room gathering her things and making sure that he hadn't forgotten anything.

"Yeah," he whispered as he lead the way from the dank hospital room, walking slowly and tensely back towards the limousine that was already waiting outside for them. Blair made sure to stay as close to him as possible, so that she could try to assist him if the task of walking out to the limo became too much for him.

The ride back to their home was silent. As soon as they'd gotten into the vehicle Chuck had moved away from her to the opposite side of the limo and she could feel the invisible walls that he had put up as soon as he had started almost unbearably nauseous.

And, in her head she could practically hear those invisible walls all but screaming at her to stay the hell away from him, to withstand from touching. She had no choice but to heed their demands. Blair inhaled and exhaled and leaned back into the deep dark leather seats.

She tried in vain to find some warmth that, these days, never seemed to come. She had taken to playing with her nails, pushing down the cuticles with the opposite nail and biting the edges as the sleek streets of New York City flew past them. It was a new habit that she had formed since he'd been sick. It helped to relax her in times of stress such as this when everything was quiet and it seemed that her family and friends would never understand her struggle.

In these lonely times, she would feel her body becoming so weary that she would have no choice but to shut her eyes. As soon as she would however, the fear of his vacant presence would be so overwhelming that she would find herself reaching out to him suddenly as she struggled to regulate her breath. Then, scared out of her wits, she slowly slide closer to him and lean over to check on him, make sure he was still breathing , that he was still alive.

If she was being completely honest with herself, she would admit that she had recently begun suffering from the symptoms of anxiety. It was that exact feeling that was pounding down on her at the very moment, as she watched him hold his body so deliberately still ; a feeling of nervousness, a feeling of dread, and worst of all, a feeling of impending doom(like the worst was yet to come).

Chuck was leaning against the window with his eyes closed. He wasn't sleeping. Blair could tell that since his breathing pattern had yet to slow down and deepen. But, he was quiet and withdrawn, which in her eyes was even worse. It meant that he was feeling like shit and that he was taking it on alone in silence.

Blair ran her hands through her hair and turned her body towards the door as she leaned into it. She unconsciously took on Chuck's current position as she stared out the window, and then she quietly nibbled on her nails for the duration of the ride. By the time they'd reached the penthouse, one of her nails had begun to bleed because she had bitten it down too much. She nervously sucked on her nail for a moment then she quickly pulled her hand down and held her finger tightly, applying pressure.

She turned to face her husband, intent on hiding her hands. She was shocked to see that he had already slid next to her and had been watching her the whole time.

"Chuck" she whispered her breathing begun to increase slightly. He silently watched her through hooded eyes.

"I was just…" she began, and then she paused when he grabbed her hands softly and kissed her ruined nail. He hated when she did destructive things to herself and he especially hated it when she did them because of him. He exhaled slowly and shook his head. He worried about her sometimes. He could see the stress that his situation was putting on her shoulders and he hated it. He simply detested it. He'd never wanted that for her. He always wanted her to be happy, but it seemed that whenever he tried to provide that for her, more obstacles would just spring in the way. And no matter what he did, it was never good enough.

"Let's go inside. It's been a long day," he responded, eliciting a nod from her as they slid out of the vehicle, her hand still wrapped securely in his, and made their way inside to the confines of their home

"_What do you guys mean 'he's sick'?" Eric asked, his voice was soft but the tiny bit of fear could be heard vibrating through it. Blair and Chuck had just finished explaining to their small circle of family and friends the extent of Chuck's illness. The article had leaked earlier in the day and the couple had wanted to clear things up with the people who mattered the most to them. They wanted to explain exactly what was going on._

_But, the reaction of his family was making Chuck doubt his reasons for even attempting to explain the situation to them. Nate had gasped in shock. He'd had no idea that something was up with his best friend and he had just spent time with him the day before._

_Serena's eyes were pooling with tears when she heard. She felt so bad for the young couple. She wanted to do something but she had no idea what to do. Lily had been standing across the entertaining room looking dreadfully fearful, and Chuck could feel the faint sensation of Blair rubbing circles on his back in an attempt to soothe him. _

_It wasn't working, and it only made the fear of the situation more real. It was all too much; he was starting to feel overwhelmed and trapped. He pulled away from her suddenly and her hands fell to her sides. She frowned slightly when she looked at him and then she ran her hands through her hair in an attempt to hide the shunning he had just given her attempts to console him. She looked at him and frowned, burned by how he'd pushed her away when she was only trying to help. She ran a hand through her hair as a distraction, hoping nobody would realize the sudden state of hurt she'd found herself in._

"_It's not as bad as Blair and that damn article make it out to be," Chuck said abruptly. His nerves were getting rattled and he was having a hard time attempting to get his sudden unwarranted anger in check. He moved from across the room and sat beside the younger boy. The boy looked overwhelmed and Chuck found himself wanting to offer his pseudo brother some form of comfort or reassurance._

"_You know how dramatic Blair can be, and newspapers lie every day. As a matter of fact, I have someone on that particular newspaper right now." he said softly, and Eric nodded his head in agreement before suddenly jumping out of his seat. Standing, he turned his body towards Blair. Eric had been hoping to see some form of reassurance in her eyes but, when he looked her, all he could detect was fear. This wasn't her being dramatic. This was her being truthful. She was scared to death, and Chuck was making light of the situation._

"_The article said it was 'Leukemia'," Eric stated as he turned to watch Chuck's reaction. He could see Chuck's jaw muscles flexing, and his breaths were controlled. Eric was waiting for Chuck to refute him but when the silence remained; he knew it was most likely as bad as the article said. He realized then that Chuck was dying. _

_Eric could tell by the change on Chuck's face that he was struggling with that very concept because the easy fancy free mask he'd placed on earlier in the evening was quickly being replaced by a general mounting of a clearly upset state of mind._

"_This is serious, Chuck" Eric whispered as he moved closer to Chuck. He seated himself right beside the older boy and looked him straight in the eyes. He was trying to understand the extent of the situation and why Chuck was acting like everything was just perfect, when he was obviously sick._

_Chuck was sick were the words that kept replaying in Eric's head. He was finding it hard to get past that revelation. He shook his head a bit to snap out of his slight daze as he attempted to wrap his mind around the whole concept. _

_As he looked at Chuck and Blair, he couldn't help but feel sorry for them. They had just gotten married and now, they had to deal with this. It seemed their path had never been paved smoothly._

_Chuck ran a hand through his hair and rolled his eyes. "Come on you guys, I'm Chuck Bass, okay? A little thing like cancer is not going to stop me." He responded in a faux bravado that sounded so false it would have been obvious to a stranger. Chuck found that he really just wanted to keep everyone calm. If he could keep them calm, then maybe he could fool himself. _

_He couldn't deal with the fear right now, and it was leading to an internal battle to run away from the situation. He was fighting his old, _primitive, automatic_ instinct to run away when things got bad, as hard as he could but as the seconds passed the need to escape became stronger. _

_The room remained silent, and Chuck could feel his calm slowly peeling away. And, when no one in the room made an attempt to end the tension, Chuck could feel the pressure all the more. It was too much. He couldn't take it._

_He was starting to feel cornered and the old adage of Fight or Flight came to mind. Usually, when he found himself in such a situation he would fight without a single thought. But, this time he found that he really wasn't in the mood to fight anyone. _

_He found that he couldn't find the strength this time. He closed his eyes for a second then turned his attention towards the exit. "I can't do this right now" he said as he quickly made his way out the door then out of the apartment. The whole room grew quiet as they watched Chuck flee._

"_Well that's just great" Blair stated as she rolled her eyes and started walking to go after Chuck. She frowned slightly when Nate grabbed her arm._

"_Blair just give him a minute to calm down" he suggested and she pulled away from him and started back towards the door._

"_I'd appreciate it if the apartment is vacant when I return." She responded as she headed out of the door in search of her husband_

**I want to say thanks to my Beta Readers Bookcasegirl and ****suspensegirl**** for they are excellent!**

**All mistakes are my own! Please leave reviews! Thanks!**


	11. Chapter 11

Now I'm told that this is life  
and, pain is just a simple compromise  
so we can get what we want out of it  
would someone care to classify?

Misguided Ghost- Paramore

Chapter 11

_She found him seated in his Victrola. The place he always ran to when things got bad and he was looking to escape. She watched him for a moment as he turned his drink in his hand, looking at it from every angle in search of something, maybe answers on what to do next. He never took a sip. That was new and it said something. It said that he was feeling worse than he was letting on because 'Chuck Bass' never turned down a drink when he was upset._

_She walked towards him only to find herself struggling with what to say. She almost always knew what to say to him to break the ice but this time the magic words seemed far from her grasp. She made her way closer to him, her stomach knotting. She felt nervous, because Chuck could be difficult, and saying the wrong thing could turn out so bad. _

_She forced her legs to walk closer. Moments later, she had seated herself on a stool beside him and waited for him to acknowledge her presence. She jumped slightly when she heard the thump of his glass on the bar counter. Then she watched as he slowly slid it away from him._

_He closed his eyes quickly and exhaled sharply. Then he leaned his head into his hands and sighed. Of course she had found him. She always did, but then he guessed that was what he deserved for being so damn predictable. He massaged his head and in a single breath he breathed her name._

"_Blair" he said sharply. He opened his eyes and turned to face her. He watched her eyes as she took in his presence and his demeanor. He could see her holding back a bit, reserving and preparing herself for the fight that she was almost guaranteed was about to come._

_But, the truth was the idea of going at it with Blair had never really crossed his mind since he couldn't even begin to muster the mental strength to do it now. In fact, he didn't even know what he wanted but he knew that he didn't want to fight with her. Everything was falling apart; everything he'd ever known and counted on had seemingly been thrown out to the wind. He was losing control and he didn't know what card to play next._

_For the first time the idea that he was, in fact, sick settled in his mind and stayed there - no matter how hard he tried to remove the notion. The idea of cancer was a lot to handle. A week ago he'd believed that he could do it but now he was now not so sure._

_He was 'Chuck Bass', but what did that mean when you had one foot in the grave. He smirked slightly and grabbed his glass quickly. He swallowed his scotch in one gulp then he held the glass loosely and allowed Blair to take it from his hand._

"_Did you come to make sure I wasn't drinking myself into an even earlier grave?" he asked lightly. He pursed his lips and watched her, waiting for a reaction. "Don't worry, I would never do that. After all, I will be there soon enough," he drawled his voice, low and raspy._

_He rolled his eyes and scoffed when no answer came, signaling to the bartender to bring him another drink. _

" _Do you really think that now is the time to regress?" she asked him sharply as she angrily grabbed the newly full glass from his hand " We have enough on our plates we don't need you alcoholic tendencies making a reappearance" she added._

"_Don't you mean I have a lot on my plate? I don't see you dying from cancer," he told her his voice low almost a whisper. She recoiled back as if slapped and he suddenly regretted his words._

"_I'm sorry" he said quickly "I didn't mean it. And, I'm not mad at you, I'm just…" He bit his bottom lip and shook his head slowly. He looked for the right words to describe how he was feeling but he couldn't find any. Blair leaned over and ran her hands softly through his hair._

" _I know, you're scared, but drinking is not the answer," she said softly. She gasped when seconds later she felt him lean into her. He pulled her close to him and buried his noise in her hair. "I love you" he whispered_

"_Let's go home" she said suddenly. She grabbed his hand and led him out to the limo._

Blair frowned as she watched her husband all but stumble into the penthouse. He would stop every couple of minutes, and then start up again until he had made it into the home. Afterwards, he'd gone straight to his room and requested that he not be disturbed.

Blair knew that the request most likely had to do with the fact that he was feeling really ill and didn't want her to see him that way but the request still stung her. All she'd wanted to do since the ordeal had begun was to be there for him, and take care of him but, he was making it as hard as he could to prohibit that. He was constantly pulling away from her at every chance that he got. And it was almost like dealing with seventeen year Chuck Bass all over again.

Chuck felt sick, he was sweating, and he felt off, and shaky. It was like he was suffering from the worse case of the flu ever. He didn't want Blair to know just exactly how ill he felt. He loathed what his illness was doing to her. It was turning her in to a nervous wreck and that made him worry. He hated to be the cause of anything that would cause her pain. He could feel her eyes on him as he made his way to the room, she was always watching him now, and he silently prayed that he would be able to make it all the way to his room before he succumbed to the dizziness that was now attacking him.

Blair decided to give him his peace for now. After all, the whole chemotherapy session had been an emotional turmoil for her as well as him, and she needed to regroup before she could go back to him and be there for him.

She ordered her dinner be served and she made her way to the dining area. She seated herself in her usual seat and resigned herself to eat another meal alone. Her hand shook a bit as she moved her fork to her mouth.

When she'd gotten married, she naively believed that there would always be someone there for her. But, as of late, she found that she did almost everything alone. She had believed that Chuck would always be there to take care of her and be her rock, but now the weight of the world rested on her shoulders and she did not know if she was, in fact, strong enough to carry both of them.

Everything had been so perfect until they learned the truth, and now her life seemed to be going down the drain. She could feel her eyes filling with tears as she came to the realization that she and Chuck just might be destined to suffer forever.

Blair closed her eyes quickly and shoved her plate away from her. She wasn't hungry anymore; she felt the familiar need to purge the food she had actually consumed and she pushed it away. She didn't want to go back there. She had moved past that and she intended to keep it that way.

_It had been almost a week since Chuck's secret Chemotherapy session, and aside from a couple bouts of intense nausea, Chuck had seemed to be fairing pretty well. Blair sighed as she turned in the bed. The sun was just starting to peak into the bedroom and the warm rays on her skin had awoken her but she wasn't ready to start her day yet. _

_She moved closer to her still sleeping husband and took in his appearance. He looked peaceful and calm. It always amazed her that he could look so innocent and youthful in his sleep. She slid even closer and made to run her hands through his hair. That's when she noticed it._

_There it was; his dark hair, in small clumps, right there on his pillow. It was more hair than was usual for a normal hair shed and Blair just knew it. She knew that it was because of the chemo. Chuck was losing his hair and while it wasn't a lot and it wasn't really that noticeable, it would be enough to make him go into to full panic mode for his appearance had always been very important to him._

_She sat up in the bed quickly and watched the pillow intensely as if it was a snake that would attack her at any minute. All the while, sharp worry lines were becoming more visible on her face. She felt her heart breaking for him. He was sick and the hair thing only drove the nail in deeper. _

_She quickly reached up and removed the small chunks of hair from his pillow. She fisted it tightly in her hand and she inhaled and exhaled a few times to regain her composure. She couldn't let Chuck see her lose her cool._

_Her eyes filled with tears and she refused to allow them to fall. Instead, she leaned over her husband and kissed him gently on the lips. Her lips trembled slightly as she felt him began to respond to her advances, his lips moving unconsciously to greet hers. _

_He opened his eyes and smiled at her. He exhaled slowly and was content to bask in her presence._

"_I love you" she whispered in his ear as she snuggled closer to him. _

**AN: I want to encourage people to leave comments. Also I want to say Thank You to all the people who have already taken the time to leave comments and feedback! I take your comments very seriously and I use your honest feedback and suggestions to try to make my story and writing better so, Thanks!**

**I want to say thanks to my Beta Readers Bookcasegirl and ****suspensegirl**** for they are excellent!**

**All mistakes are my own! Please leave reviews! Thanks!**


	12. Chapter 12

Your skin,  
Oh yeah your skin and bones,  
Turn into something beautiful,  
do you know for you,  
I'd bleed myself dry, for you,  
I'd bleed myself dry.

Coldplay- Yellow

Chapter 12

_The doctors had warned them of the risk for a possible infection, but for some reason it hadn't become real until there had been an accident because of one. Chuck had been feeling ill all that day_. _He noticed that he'd been experiencing a_ _shortness of breath whenever he walked continuously for more than a few seconds. Blair had asked him several times if he was okay. She had been urging him all morning to rest and to take it easy. _

_Chuck had assured her that he was feeling fine. Blair had found it hard to believe him because despite what he'd been telling her, he looked rather ill. His skin looked paler than she'd ever seen it before and there was a light sheen of perspiration, misting across his forehead, which she knew was a bad sign. He'd been moving slower than usual too. Every move he made seemed more deliberate as if he had to think about the way in which to move that would be more comfortable._

_He had been determined to work though. He had said that if he couldn't make it into the office to work that he'd just have to do it from home. He wanted to get as much work as he could done before the sickness had become so bad that he was too weak to work. He'd been going into the living room to get some document or other when he'd felt the dizziness take over. His heart was practically banging in his chest. His head was throbbing so badly that he'd thought it would explode open. He was almost hoping to faint if only for a release. _

_Finally, he'd paused in his movements and tried to regain his control, but he wasn't strong enough that time, and the infection that he'd been hiding and ignoring the signs of had been festering just long enough to take him out. He felt his bones go limp and refuse to carry his weight. He lost consciousness before his head even hit the table, leaving behind a horrific, trail of blood._

_Blair walked in only minutes after he had fallen and the sight before her was enough to shake her to the core. She found him in the living room slinked against the coffee table. He looked as if he was attempting to make it to the sofa but, he had been unable to._

_She paused instantly "My God" she'd whispered. As the words 'this can't be happening' replayed over and over in her head like a broken record. _

_Her hand shook frantically as she kneeled down right in the fresh blood and proceeded to check him, make sure that he was still breathing. Make sure he was still alive. __After all, he just began this fight__. It couldn't be over that soon._

_There was blood everywhere. All around them there was his blood and it was wet and sticky and red, so blatantly red. It was all over her clothes, all over them. That was the very moment when the reality that her husband might be worse off then she thought first came to her mind. She felt really bad, like a horrible excuse for a wife. She hadn't been there for him and she hadn't heard him fall. _

_She heard frantic, painful screams coming from somewhere and it took her a while to realize that they were in fact her screams. It was like being trapped in a horrible nightmare. When the paramedics finally arrived, they tried to take him away and she found that she couldn't stop her body from lunging forward and holding on to him. She hadn't been there to stop him from falling, to protect him, but she would this time._

_She hadn't wanted to let him go. The very idea of him leaving scared her to death._

_She rode with him in the ambulance that time. He hadn't regained consciousness and the paramedics were asking her questions that she didn't know the answers to. She had held his hand all the way there as tight as she could; his hand felt cold and sweaty. She had watched as they worked on him frantically and secured him to more monitoring machines and devices than she had ever seen. It was one of the most heartbreaking moments of her life._

"_It's called Anemia, that's what most likely caused the fainting," the doctor stated, his tone very matter of fact and to the point. "And I want you to rest assured that it is not uncommon with the illness and the treatments that your husband has been receiving. On top of that, he is suffering from a very high fever, most likely brought on from the infection in his lungs." _

"_Infection, He said he was feeling fine," Blair stuttered, as the words that the doctor spewed spilled out into her head. "He told me this morning that he was feeling fine," she stated again, before almost falling into the chair that was close to her. She brought her hands up and over her head as she smoothed back her hair. Then she looked up at the doctor's devastation written all over his face._

"_So what do we do now?" she asked after a beat. The doctors licked his now very dry lips. This was his most hated part of his job, dealing with the loved ones who were devastated and scared. _

"_Well, we started a blood transfusion for the blood that he lost. I want you to be aware that there are certain side effects to such a treatment, especially in your husband's case. We are also starting him on strong antibiotics in hopes of combating the infection in his lungs._

_Blair sighed as her lips trembled and her voice quivered when she asked "May I see him now?"_

"_We'll get you scrubbed in," the doctor stated before leading Blair towards the room Chuck was in. _

Blair remembered clearly the first time the doctor mentioned chemotherapy in reference to the possible treatments for her husband. At the time, being the idealist that she was, she'd assumed that Chuck could just take the treatments, kill the cancer, and they could move on with their live. She had no idea of just how overwhelming the supposed treatment would be. It was so very powerful and so devastating. It was to her, destroying his life.

Chemotherapy, she soon came to realize, was an unsuspecting robber, because it steals parts of your life and your identity. It is a slow poison that takes away all of your defenses and leaves you with nothing but a shell. You lose a sense of whom and what you are. It baffled her every time she saw what the poison was doing to her husband.

Chuck Bass was being assassinated by the drugs that were supposed to be helping him as they moved throughout his system, torturing him both physically and mentally.

Blair fumed at what the last bout of treatment had left her with. She watched her husband sleep off his last round. She watched as the strains of his hair covered different areas of the bed and the sight made her physically sick. As he loss pieces of himself; his hair, his strength, and his overall health, she lost pieces of 'herself'. Sometimes it felt as if Chuck was already gone.

He was getting worse, which was for sure. His skin looked so delicate like it was just soft stretched plastic over his bones, and he was covered in bruises of various sizes and various shades. He was rotting away, like a festering, infested apple. He was disappearing right in front of her, slipping away into darkness, and she was being forced to watch.

She startled when his eyes opened suddenly and she shuddered when he spoke her name, so soft; it sent chills down her spine. She smiled a watery smile and quickly wiped her eyes. She hated when he saw her cry over him.

"Come here," he requested, and Blair stood from her chair and moved closer. He reached out a hand to her and pulled her even closer still, until she was laying down right beside him. She couldn't remember the last time they'd been so close.

It seemed she could smell the chemicals that now resided in his system. It made her nauseous, but she snuggled closer. She needed this. She needed to be as close to him as she could.

"How are you doing?" he asked her in a whisper. Her eyes pooled once again at the sound of his low, weak voice. He reached over slowly and wiped her tears from her face. His hand shook.

Blair was silent but she snuggled closer. "I am great," she said softly, and she leaned closer into him. "The question is how 'you' are feeling?" she asked smiling warmly.

He chuckled slowly. He knew that she was lying about being great. No one could feel great in this situation, not even his Blair. She didn't look great, and it didn't take a rocket scientist to see the effects his sickness was having on her. She was losing weight, her nails were all but gone and her smile was lacking any and all warmth. She was worrying herself sick and that fact bothered him. It was the reason that he chose to suffer alone as much as he could. He hated what this 'sickness' was doing to her, to them, and to their entire family. He found the need to reassure her in some way, become so strong, that the words "I'm okay," slipped out of his mouth before he was even conscious of them.

He swallowed a slow seemingly painful swallow and repeated the words smiling. He couldn't take away her immediate pain in full, but he could at least lesson the gravity of it. So, he said them again "I'm okay", he promised. He exhaled softly and slowly pushed her hair back and out of her face.

"Do you believe me?" he asked her, a whisper that caressed her skin like warm spring wind. He looked relieved when she nodded an affirmation that she did. She bit her lip and looked him deep in the eyes and whispered "Yes" so low, the lie was barely audible. She didn't really believe his words but she said that she did, for him.

How could she possibly believe that he was okay when he looked so fragile and so sick? As much as she wanted him to be okay, the sicker the chemo made him the more she believed the exact opposite. She was sure that she was going to lose him and that it was only a matter of when. She was mentally already preparing her black mourning wardrobe in her head.

Moments later, he grabbed her hand, bringing it to his lips. He kissed it, and to her his hand felt rough against her skin. Then he laid her hand gently down.

"Okay," he said, with a ghost of a smile lingering on his purple ashen lip. "That's all I needed to hear," he said, before closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep. She cried silently for him, snuggling even closer and closing her eyes as well as the tears fell.

**I want to say thanks to my Beta Reader ****suspensegirl**** for she is excellent!**

**All mistakes are my own! Please leave reviews! Thanks**


	13. Chapter 13

But I fear  
I have nothing to give  
I have so much to lose  
Here in this lonely place  
Tangled up in our embrace  
There's nothing I'd like  
Better than to fall  
But I fear, I have nothing to give, I have so much to lose

Sarah McLachlan – Fear

Chapter 13

_Chuck had been sleeping for days. To Blair, his sickness was seemingly not getting any better. The doctors kept saying that his numbers were good and that the fever had broken, but to her nothing had changed._

_As she silently watched her husband sleep in his hospital bed, a sense of numbness slowly festered from within her and consumed her. It was almost like an out of body experience. She sat with a lack of emotional feeling and studied him. He looked pale and weak and he didn't look like her Chuck. She felt as if she didn't even know this imitation of a man who had come and stolen her lover away from her. _

_She vaguely remembered being disinfected and scrubbed in. She had been covered by protective covering to ensure that she did not spread germs that his weakened immune system could no longer handle. She wasn't even allowed to breathe the same air as him, as she had been made to wear a protective face mask._

_How could this be him getting better? Didn't Chuck getting better mean a chance for them to be close again? In all her life she had never felt so distanced from him. As she sat by his bed, she felt all of her dreams of happiness slowly vanishing. This entire situation was unbelievable. It was as if Chuck was hanging from a ledge with only her hand to sustain and protect him from falling, dying. She cringed as she realized that with this illness his hand was slowly slipping away from the hold of her sweaty palm. The cancer was consuming him and she was left powerless to stop it _

_She thought about the true fact that he might not make it once again. The very idea scared her shitless. If he died there would never be little dark haired children with his smirk and her eyes. An overwhelming sense of sadness consumed her as she realized that everything they'd been through; the love, the tears; the passion, the hate, and all the bandaged heartbreak would all have been for nothing. If Chuck didn't make it through this everything they'd ever done would all have been for nothing._

_Serena adjusted he hospital appointed face mask and contemplated whether or not to enter the room. Moments later, after collecting her strength, she made her way through the door. She'd closed the door softly and pushed herself closer to the occupants in the room. Blair gasped, startled by the intrusion. Serena felt an overwhelming sense of helplessness when Blair's gaze fleetingly left Chuck and crashed into her. Serena felt her eyes close for a split second, involuntarily as she was unprepared for the obscenity of that bewildered, heated glare._

_She seated herself in a chair next to Blair. Blair released a breath she had been unaware she was even holding and turned her eyes back to Chuck. _

"_I suppose I'll go visit daddy in Paris for a while if…" Blair whispered her voice far away and wonderingly low. Serena wondered if she even realized she been speaking aloud. _

_Serena found her body moving closer to her friend. "Blair, Sweetie…I think you need to go home and rest. You haven't left this room for days," Serena stated her voice soft. She often found herself speaking to Blair as if she was a small skittish kitten these days. So afraid that she would say the wrong thing and make her even more upset._

_Blair looked at her friend as if she'd lost her mind. She smirked, shook her head slightly and turned her full attention back to her husband. "That's okay, I am perfectly fine," Blair responded, repeating the same mantra she had been speaking since this incident began. Serena nodded and accepted her answer. There was no use in trying to argue with Blair. It would get her nowhere and in the end Blair's decision would still remain unchanged._

_The two girls sat beside each other for hours, and Serena marveled at the situation at hand. Every now and then, she would find herself gently touching Blair's shoulder; the only form of comfort she could think to give._

_Sitting in this dark melancholy room besides this seemingly doomed couple made the world seem harsh and dark. And then, a low painful moan escaped Chuck's lips, and just like that bits of the darkness slipped away and suddenly there was a tiny morsel of hope. _

"_Chuck", Blair__ gasped as soon as he stirred, breaking her from her dark reverie and rising from her chair. Suddenly, all of her attention focused in on him. Serena felt like an intruder as she watched. _

_When his eyes opened, Blair felt a sense of relief wash over her; it was like she'd been holding her breath and now she could breathe freely again. She had genuinely thought that this was the end. He'd been unconscious for days and while the doctors had been reassuring her that he would wake up, she had not been so sure. She watched him blink a few times as he forced his eyes to focus and take in his surroundings. He moaned, exhaling deeply; then he turned his eyes to her._

"_You're okay," she whispered. Her voice was so low and weak. She was unsure if her words had even actually penetrated his foggy brain. Her lip trembled as she secured her mask on her face. She was scared to touch him, scared that she had missed something in her scrub down, scared that she could make him sicker, if that was even possible. So, she stood still and watched him, a silent show of support._

_Warm, amber rays of light filtered through the curtains and illuminated the sharp lines of his visage. His dark bruises stood out, desolate against his pallid completion. Her breathing quickened slightly as he watched her intensely, unflinching. She marveled at the way in which his murky eyes stood out, all knowing and bright, as they shone in the grey hospital room, like lit jack lanterns in his face. _

_Blair could feel his eyes pierce through her as he watched her, seeing down to her very core, as only he could. He never uttered a word but his eyes said it all. He wanted to make sure she was okay. He was so tired but he couldn't rest until he knew she was okay. _

_Serena found her body turning away almost instinctively. The moment that was being shared between the two lovers not meant for outside eyes. _

"_It's okay. You can go back to sleep. I'm fine," Blair spoke, and almost instantly his dark eyes closed and her eyes pooled with tears. She once again took her seat beside his bed and waited. Serena quickly stood to take her leave____as a sudden sense of claustrophobia overtook her. She needed air. As she walked towards the door, she felt her lip tremble as the tears slowly leaked from her eyes. This was just too much. She didn't know if she could take the situation. _

Chuck stood in front of the mirror and studied his reflection. He could barley recognize the person standing in front of him. He felt a sense of loss. This sickly, pale, balding person was not Chuck Bass. And if he wasn't Chuck Bass, then who was he?

The unanswered question left a sour taste in his mouth figuratively speaking of course. In all actuality he couldn't remember the last time his taste buds had been in perfect order. How he longed to savor the flavor of a steak again. Lately, everything he ate rang of the dank taste of rusted copper.

He ran a hand through his hair and frowned when it came back with strands of his hair on it. His appearance made him nauseous. He hated that Blair had to see him like this. He hated to see himself like this, and he wondered how Blair even stomached it.

So far, today had been a relatively uneventful good day. He wasn't feeling particularly sick and he wasn't so sleepy that he could barely keep his eyes open. So, he guessed that that was something.

Sighing, and then sniffling softly, he seated himself upon the seat of the closed toilet. He actually couldn't remember the last time he had felt this good. He should be thankful but he just couldn't find it within himself to be appreciative.

He was Chuck Bass. He should be out conquering New York and exploring the world with his new wife, but instead he had been reduced to this; this poor helpless, sick thing that could barely stay conscious. This was never a journey he imagined taking in his life.

He looked up when he felt another presence join him in the restroom. Blair kneeled beside him and brought her hands up, cupping his face. "Are you feeling okay?" she inquired, softly. She watched him for a reaction and she smiled when he nodded before whispering "yes".

She busied herself with getting his tooth brush ready for him as she watched him out the corner of her eyes. He sniffled again and her eyes turned to watch him intently. She frowned slightly when moments later his hand came back down. His nose was bleeding once again.

"Great," he mumbled, when he spotted the blood on his fingers. He quickly reached over a grabbed a piece of toilet paper.

Blair moved into action as quickly as she could. She helped Chuck to his feet, trying her best to assist him. She grabbed several pieces of tissue. Then, she hurriedly placed them under his nose and walked behind her husband as she led him back to his room. The tissues were soaking through, and the nosebleed showed no signs of stopping. "It's going to be okay," she whispered to him before screaming for assistance.

Moments later, the room was filled with his private doctors and nurses. Blair stood back as they took over. She relaxed a little bit. The doctors they had in the house were some of the world's most renowned oncologists. They could handle a little nose bleed.

It was just a nose bleed. People had nose bleeds all the time. He would be okay. She told herself.

**All mistakes are my own! **

**I want to say thanks to my Beta Reader ****suspensegirl**** for she is excellent!**

**I would also like to thank my readers, reviewers, story subscribers and the people who have added my story to their favorite list! That means so much to me. I am so happy that there are people who are actually still reading!**

**Please continue to leave reviews! Reviews really make my day! ;)**


	14. Chapter 14

Everything is dark  
It's more than you could take  
But you catch a glimpse of sunlight  
Shining  
Shining down on your face

In My Veins_ Andrew Belle

Chapter 14

_Blair leaned against the doorframe and watched him for a whole minute before speaking. He was seemingly engrossed in a book. He looked at peace, more at peace than she could ever remember him looking._

_Sighing, she walked fully into the room and her steps caught his attention. He looked up at her and smiled. "Chuck, you are awake, and feeling better I see," she told him, smiling. She made her way closer to his bed._

_He looked up from his book and tossed it to the side._

"_I am," he confirmed. It had been so long since she'd actually seen him smiling that she found herself being drawn to him even more._

_For a moment, he looked well. His color was normal, he didn't appear thin and he looked healthy. Grinning, she moved closer, felt a sudden fleeting relief that disappeared as quickly as it appeared._

"_And you are not nauseous?" she questioned disbelieving. She ran her hands over his head checking for a fever. And he let her as he looked up at her, seemingly perplexed by her ministrations._

_She leaned closer to him and kissed him gently on the lips. She marveled at the fact that they were no longer dry and scratchy, but plump and pink and soft as ever. She laughed in relief and he looked at her as if she'd lost her very mind._

"_What's gotten into you?" he asked as he watched her eyes fill with tears. He watched her with an amused expression as she shifted her body onto the bed beside him she moved closer before snuggling into him on the bed. She felt an overwhelming sense of joy. Chuck wasn't sick. She couldn't remember the last time he wasn't sick. She was sure that it just had to be too good to be true._

"_I'm great, never better," he stated, smiling. He pulled her close, and then rolled them over so that he was lying on top of her. He was smirking joyfully and he looked so happy. She could feel herself drifting away as she went with the moment and she could feel him kissing her down her neck. She couldn't believe it. He was well, and he was happy. That was the only thing that kept running through her mind. He looked so happy… So happy! He was practically glowing._

_The moment was perfect._

Blair opened her eyes and the smile from the dream lingered on her face for a moment before she remembered where she was… Sighing gently, she shifted her weight in the chair and leaned forward. Working out the kinks, she stretched and attempted to get more comfortable. It was useless. She would never be comfortable here in this place.

She looked over at her husband and was once again paralyzed by his appearance. He was almost translucent. He looked so thin she could see his blue veins through his skin. Slowly, she placed her fingers on his lips and he didn't even stir, He was holding his body so still while he slept, as if he was in pain. The idea that he would be in pain while sleeping made her want to cry again, but she didn't, she didn't want him to wake and see her crying.

She leaned over and reached for her husband. Before this sickness she would sometimes find herself running her hands through his hair when he slept. But, now her hand just hovered over his bald head, there was no hair to push up and off of his forehead. It was almost sad. She forced her hand down and she rubbed her hands, trying to keep them warm.

She could never seem to get warm in this place. She complained several times and still nothing had been done, and if she was cold, she couldn't even imagine what Chuck must be going through, that is if he were even conscious enough to realize it. She was so damn mad she realized suddenly, and there was nothing anyone could do to ease her suffering. As far as she was concerned, everyone was to blame.

"You can't leave me," she found herself saying over and over again, a soft mantra. "We're a team," she hissed. "Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck," she added. "What would I do without you?"

She jumped slightly as the door creaked. She forced her eyes to leave her husband as she wandered over to the door. She was almost surprised to see her mother standing in the doorway. Now she knew things were getting bad. Eleanor hardly ever made it back to the States these days, preferring to spend her days in Paris with her husband.

"How is Charles?" she uttered as she made her way slowly into the sterile hospital room. Blair cringed at her tone. That was another thing. She hated the fact that people, even her mother felt the need to talk to her with a tone that implied she would break if they weren't careful enough.

It was ludicrous. She wasn't the one sick, she thought, and once again her eyes ventured back to her spouse. "Maybe we should talk outside," Blair suggested as she started walking towards the door. Eleanor followed behind her and closed the door tightly.

"How are you?" Eleanor asked, as was trying once again to start the conversation.

Blair exhaled and ran a hand through her dirty hair. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had it styled, or washed even. She'd been spending her days at the hospital, in an attempt, to spend as much time with Chuck as she could. She was so scared that the one-time she'd leave the hospital he would leave her, for good.

Forcing her attention back to her mother, she rolled her eyes gently, a bit aggravated. "I am as good as can be expected," she stated softly. "Charles is stable."

"Lily was here earlier. You just missed her," she added after a beat, trying to fill the empty awkward silence.

"What are the doctors saying now?" her mother asked quietly, and Blair couldn't even bring herself to say the words that the doctors had spoken.

"What are the doctors saying?" Blair repeated, a scoff coming behind the words

"He is dying, mother. What more could they say?" she asked.

Eleanor was taken aback. She didn't know what to do, what to say to bring her daughter some peace, which was why she'd waited so long to come. She never was any good at these things, and now, when her daughter needed her most she found that she was lost for words.

"And he promised," she said, her voice breaking as the tears shone in her eyes. "He said he wouldn't leave again and here he is about to do just that." She turned away from her mother and Eleanor watched as her body shook with her crying.

"Blair," she said softly. "Charles will be okay," she promised, watching as her daughter once more faced her mother her face angry, not sad.

"He will leave me. I know it. It's what he does."

Eleanor shook her head. She couldn't believe the words that were coming out of her daughter's mouth. It sounded as if she was blaming her husband for having cancer.

"I don't want to talk about it," Blair said precipitously. "I have so much to do. I have to check on Chuck," she stated before turning abruptly and leaving her mother in the hall

When she'd gotten back into the room, he was awake. He looked up when the door opened and his eyes didn't leave her when she moved closer and sat down in the chair beside his bed.

"How are you feeling?" she asked him gently.

He was silent for a moment and he closed his eyes slowly. Time seemed to stand still as he struggled and gathered the strength to open them again.

"I'm cold," he hissed

Blair nodded and moved to grab the spare blanket that had been on the side table in his room. She unfolded it quickly and softly placed it over his thin frame.

"Thanks," he mumbled and his head sunk deeper into the pillow. He exhaled sharply and held it as he rode out his wave of pain. It had been intense. It seemed as if he was always aching these days.

He felt old, or at least how he'd imagined he would feel when he was about a hundred. His lips were dry and he licked them to try to add some moisture to them.

"Lily was here," Blair stated softly. "She bought you some more flowers. She says she'll be back tomorrow," she added.

He nodded his head slowly.

"You should go home and get some rest," he suggested, his voice soft and a bit raspy as it hitched at the end of his sentence.

Blair shook her head violently "No, I'm not leaving you," she said. She couldn't. It was like she was being held down in the chair beside him by force. Even if she'd wanted to get up, she didn't think that she could.

He laughed softly, "I promise I will be here when you get back," he said

"Chuck, I don't –"

"Go," he said, cutting her off mid-sentence. This time his voice was stronger.

Blair nodded as she stood quickly; she leaned over and kissed him on the head. "I am going to take a shower and get a change of clothes and I will be right back," she said.

"I'll be waiting," he added with a lax smile.

Blair made to leave and stopped suddenly. Her gaze stayed on him before once more moving to the door.

"I will be right back, Chuck," she said once more before exiting and leaving Chuck in solitude.

He waited for the door to close before he slowly exhaled his breath and let the pain wash over him.

He could feel his eyes watering with tears and then loud sobs escaped his lips. He could feel his breaths increasing in pace and then decelerating as he very carefully got control of himself.

"I'm not dying," he whispered to himself, but for some reason, he couldn't make himself believe the words.

AN: **I want to say thanks to my Beta Reader suspensegirl for she is excellent! And, all mistakes are mine!**

**I would also like to thank my readers, reviewers, story subscribers and the people who have added my story to their favorite list! That means so much to me. I am so happy that there are people who are actually still reading!** **! I know that I have been slower than slow with updates but I promise I will be updating more now that I have graduated and am only in Grad school part-time.**

**Please continue to leave reviews! Reviews really make my day! ;)**

**Also I am in need of another Beta Reader for a few months. Please contact me if you are interested. The next chapter will go up as soon as I find a new Beta Reader. **


	15. Chapter 15

All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe  
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something  
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again

- Sara Bareilles, Breath Again

Chapter 15

They said he had to do four rounds of chemotherapy. He is currently on the 3rd round. He looked so bad she was unsure of whether or not he would make it through this one yet along another one.

She was losing him and she could feel it in each passing day. Every hour, he seemed to be slipping further and further away, until there was almost no resemblance of her husband left. "Chuck Bass where are you?" she whispered and he sleeping body remained unmoving.

She frowned as she watched Lily fuss over his sleeping form. "He needs more pillows" she was telling a nurse and these lights are too bright, this simply will not do!" she exclaimed

Blair sat back and watched the entire scene as if in some type of trance. "These glasses are dirty, what type of establishment are you people running?" she heard Lily's voice ask right before it seemed to fade into the background.

It all seemed unreal. This couldn't be her life Blair thought. She had always prided herself on being in control. She had a plan; she planned things. That was a part of what made Blair Waldorf Bass the person that she was. She made sure that she had everything under control, she liked to know what was going to happen from one moment to the next, and when she thought about how far this illness had bumped her life plan with her husband off the track, she almost couldn't bare it.

At that moment she remembered saying her vows. The comfortable glow from that day was like a warm breeze and she almost sighed in contentment as it caressed her skin. "Through sickness and through health", she had said that day and she had never even really thought about those words as she said them

Blair had never actually imagined that there would be a day that she would have to think about the sickness part. Though, now the sickness part was the part that she thought about most of the time these days. Her wedding day kept running through her mind. It was like a terror, it was all she thought about these days, where did they go wrong.67

_I Charles Bass, take you Blair Waldorf _

_I Blair Waldorf, take you Charles Bass_

_, to be my wedded wife, _

_, to be my wedded husband_

_To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, _

_For richer, for poorer, _

_In sickness or in health, _

_'till death do we part, and hereto I pledge you my faithfulness._

_In sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, _

_'till death do we part…_

'_Till death do we part…_

_In sickness and in Health_

_In sickness…_

_In sickness…_

And then she caught a hint of Lily's complaining voice, and for some reason the sound of Chuck's step mother's voice was grating on her nerves so much it was likened to a nail going down a chalk board. She couldn't take it.

"Enough!" she yelled "Get out" she spoke, her voice a soft crack… "And just as quickly as the anger moved over her, she felt an almost calming wave move through her and as that certain calmness over took her. She felt an instant regret for lashing out at Lily.

The nurse checked on her patient and then hurried from the room and closed the door softly

"Oh my God" she whispered, "I'm sorry Lily" she breathed in deeply and her hand went to her mouth right before it started trembling. She reached a hand to her eye and noticed tears. She was crying. She was losing it, losing everything that mattered. "I can't breathe "Blair moaned as her eyes clouded.

"What am I going to do?" she asked Lily whose shocked face remained silent, for she too was at a lost. She couldn't answer the question because she didn't have an answer.

"_I thought you were angry that I was leaving for that trip tomorrow." Chuck stated as he sat his glass down on the coffee table._

"_I believe your exact words were I hate you" he added smirking. He stopped when she moved quickly into his arms._

"_I'm going to miss you Chuck", she said softly, her lips puckering for a moment before quivering. _

"_Blair what's going on", he asked, He was taken aback by her reaction to him going on a trip. He'd gone on thousands of trips she had never once reacted this way._

"_I had a nightmare", she confessed suddenly. "You went on your trip and you never made it back."_

"_I was so scared Chuck. I couldn't bare that", she added after a beat._

_He smiled softly and moved to wipe the tears from her eyes. "Blair, he whispered. " I will be fine, I promise I will always make it back to you" he said softly_

A/N: Okay this is just a short little chapter. Nothing really happens but that should be changing with the next chapter. I wanted to get something up. I will start updating a lot more from now on. I plan to finish this story in about 5 or 6 more chapters. At least that is the plan.

I am still looking for a Beta Reader I would be able to finish must faster, if I was able to find one. If anyone is interested please contact me!

This chapter was written and edited by me. Please excuse all errors I did not have a Beta Reader.

Please Review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading

Ingrid


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